Customer Service

I will be in Switzerland next week, I needed to inform my banks so that they don’t think my cards have been stolen and stop them if I use them. Here is how the conversations went:

Me: I will be in Switzerland on these dates, please don’t stop my card if I use it in the ATM.

Co-op: That note is on your file, have a nice time

Me: If I nip to London will I still be able to use me card?

Co-op: Oh yes, of course! (Says goodbye and hangs up. Time taken: 2 mins 27 secs. Blood pressure: low)
Barclays: No, you must call us before you leave Sweden.

Me: Switzerland

Barclays: Swaziland?

Me: S. W. I. T. Z. E. R. L. A. N. D.

Barclays: Ahh, ok, you must call us before you leave Switzerland.

Me: I will only be there 3 days, then I am returning to Japan

Barclays: You must call us again before you leave London or you won’t be able to use your card in Japan.

Me: No. That’s ridiculous, every time I call you it takes 20 minutes, I’m not doing that. I’m not calling you every time I get on a plane. Can’t you put it all on my file now?

Barclays: Pleasehold

…

Barclays: Would you like to change your address to Japan?

Me: No

Barclays: Please wait while I change your address to Japan

Me: Please don’t

Barclays: But if I you don’t you will have to renew the travel marker every 90 days

Me: That’s fine.

Barclays: Pleasehold

…

Barclays: Pleasehold

…

Barclays: Pleasehold

Me: *sighs heavily*

Barclays: (sounding irritable) I’m so sorry to keep you waiting

…

Barclays: Please confirm your travel dates

Me: *confirms dates*

Barclays: Please confirm your travel dates once more.

Me: *CONFIRMS DATES*

Barclays: Ok, those dates are on your file (says goodbye and hangs up. Time taken: 18 minutes 49 secs*. Blood pressure: high)

When you put them side by side the difference is significant.

*and if you think that doesn’t seem long transcript for a call lasting nearly 20 minutes, that’s because I’ve cut out the bit where I tried to explain the seemingly infinitely complex concept of a trip with two different destinations.